110% Alive

The week in between chemo treatments is obviously the best time. It’s when side effects are lowest and energy is highest. I played pickleball for the first time since being gutted like a fish, and I could have cried. In fact I think I did. Being on the court just doing something fun with friends was a big deal. It was a much bigger deal on the way home and reflecting on it. I got at least a few minutes of mental respite at a time to focus on my physical health in the best way possible, instead of the worst. 

I had to prep, and I’m glad I took the time to do that. I strapped a belt & pouch designed to go around my colostomy bag so it wouldn’t flap about. I’m very glad that was successful. I’ll admit I was a bit dubious about trying any athletic activity while having this thing strapped to my torso (can you imagine the horror & disgust if something happened and it leaked?!) After I got warmed up I hardly noticed it. I certainly noticed that my stamina is much more limited and I break a sweat super quickly, but I’ll take it. In the moment I was just damn glad to be out there shuffling around with a paddle as best I could. 

Didn’t matter if I lost every game. Didn’t matter if I missed every shot (and I did miss a lot.) It’s only pickleball, after all. I still gave it everything I had and I feel like I played really well. If you’re reading this and you’re someone who has supported me along this journey, please know it’s because of you that this was the best I’ve felt since the hospital. I thank you again for that. The belt & pouch stuff for my colostomy bag, the powders and supplies for my skin to make it comfortable, the Liquid IV and the bottle to put it in, the shirts, the socks, the protein drink for recovery afterwards, everything… it all culminated in this moment. I was able to give 110% to something fun, and I felt 110% alive.